


Crabapples

by HexMeridian (myrainbowshoelaces)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Prompt Fic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-12 12:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7103863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrainbowshoelaces/pseuds/HexMeridian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Davekat drabbles, inspired by this <a href="http://hexmeridian.tumblr.com/post/144989176652/send-me-a-pairing-and-ill-tell-you-who">ask</a> and <a href="http://hexmeridian.tumblr.com/post/144990874017/of-course-its-gonna-be-davekat-how-is-there-even">response</a> I did not too long ago. </p><p>Credit to tumblr user <a href="http://landofscrubsandcrumbs.tumblr.com/post/145422080476/wait-why-the-fuck-dont-we-call-davekat-crabapple">landofscrubsandcrumbs</a> for the title of the collection. Because seriously why don't we call Davekat Crabapple? We have been ripped off. </p><p>Currently incomplete, will continue to update as I write more drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death and Mario Kart

“Are you letting me win?”

“Karkat, I’m hurt that you would even suggest that I would do such a thing, it’s against the laws of Mario Kart that a man let his boyfriend win, Donkey Kong himself would jump out of the game and crush me with one of his barrels if I even dared to consider such a thing.”

“Fuck you Strider, if I’m gonna win it’ll be on my own terms.”

“If you’re winning on your terms we’ll be here literally forever. Riding historic on the Rainbow Road for all eternity, until we die of starvation.”

“We’d just resurrect, there’s nothing Just or Heroic about dying of starvation.”

“Then it’ll just continue, an endless cycle of death and Mario Kart.” 

“UGH,” Karkat threw down the controller. “This is fucking stupid, it’s not fun if you’re letting me win.”

“I swear to troll jegus, I am not letting you win,” Dave put a hand on his heart, giving Karkat a smile and nudging him with an elbow. They were in their usual spot on their couch, a tangled collection of troll and human limbs, wrapped up in each other’s capes. “You might actually be getting good at this. Pick the controller back up and drive!” 

Karkat grumbled to himself but picked up the controller, resuming the game in earnest. “Gonna kick your ass.”

“That’s not the only thing you’re gonna do to my ass,” Dave smirked, causing Karkat to sputter and almost drop the controller. He shook his head. Years on the meteor together plus several years post-game meant he knew exactly which of Karkat’s buttons to push. 

“I swear by every grub that crawls and shits you are NOT going to DISTRACT me with SEX RIGHT NOW!”

“Wanna bet?” Dave brushed Karkat’s knee lightly with his hand, making Karkat twitch and let out a little frustrated growl. 

“Sex later!” Karkat yelled, his entire face flushed red. “Schooling you at Mario Kart now!”

Thirty terse seconds later, Karkat leapt up and punched the air in triumph, almost launching his controller into the TV. “YES!” he yelled. “I WIN! HELL YES! TAKE THAT, YOU SHADES-WEARING BULGESUCKER! I AM THE MARIO KART CHAMPION!” 

“Looks like it,” Dave grinned, waiting for Karkat to sit back down. “Only took you, what three years on a meteor and another two in the New Universe to get there.” 

“Oh fuck you,” Karkat flopped back down on the couch, leaning heavily against his boyfriend. “You kept distracting me.”

“I’m good at that,” Dave said, nudging him again with his elbow. “I’m a fucking Karkat Vantas Distraction Pro, Distraction Champion of New Home.”

“Whatever I am so totally focused right now, let’s go again!” Karkat turned to Dave to grab the controller, then froze when he saw what Dave was holding. “Dave.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you holding a comically large plastic ring with a piece of candy on it?”

“It’s a Ring Pop,” Dave replied. “And I’m giving it to you.”

“Why the fuck are you giving me a Ring Pop?”

“Because I’m asking you to marry me.” 

Karkat made a choking sound, almost falling off the couch. He stared at Dave for about three seconds (not that Dave was counting or anything) before he said: “Are you fucking with me?” 

“No?” Dave raised his eyebrows. 

Karkat was now pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Who told you? Was it Rose? I made her SWEAR not to tell ANYONE.”

“Tell anyone what?” 

Karkat sighed in exasperation. “About MY proposal.”

Dave laughed. “Wait, wait, okay, you were planning out a proposal?”

“It was going to be FUCKING PERFECT, STRIDER!” Karkat moaned, falling back on the couch. “There was going to be LIVE MUSIC. Birds taking fucking flight! I was going to sweep you off your goddamn motherfucking FEET and then you go and do THIS! Out of NOWHERE! WITH A RING MADE OF CANDY!”

Karkat paused to catch his breath. Dave looked at him, still holding the Ring Pop. 

“So,” Dave said, still grinning. “Is that a yes?” 

Karkat glared at Dave, then threw himself across the couch, practically crushing Dave in a hug. 

“OF COURSE IT IS YOU CAPE WEARING DOUCHE, GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.”

“Yes?”

“YES.”

“Hell fucking yes.” 

Dave extricated himself from the hug long enough to slip the Ring Pop onto Karkat’s finger, his grin somehow even wider. 

“I am never forgiving you for this,” Karkat mumbled, burying his face in Dave’s neck. 

“What, beating you to the punch?” Dave chuckled.

“I’M the hopeless romantic, you tool! Big overblown romantic gestures are MY JOB! You couldn’t let me do this ONE THING?”

Dave snorted, then dipped his head to kiss his fiance on the forehead. “Shut up, Karkles.” 

“Never,” Karkat replied, shifting to rest his forehead against Dave’s. “And now you’ll have to deal with me refusing to shut up for the rest of our fucking lives.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this chapter is 'who proposes'. The answer is Dave, and Karkat will never forgive him for beating him to it.


	2. Dorito Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat shop for groceries

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Shouldn’t we have figured that out before we got to the store?”

“Dave, stop being an ass and go get a cart.”

“Do we really need a cart?”

“Since we’re here we should actually stock up on this shit so I can avoid going through the ridiculous fucking ordeal called Shopping with Dave Strider three to four times a week.”

“Hey, I am the king of groceries. Nobody shops like I do, if there were grocery olympics I’d be representing the United States and winning gold medals left and fucking right.”

“Shut up and get a cart. That one over there’ll do just fine.” 

“It’s got a sticky wheel.”

“I don’t give a fuck! Just bring it over, I need somewhere to put all this fucking fruit.”

“Fruit? Are you serious?”

“We can’t live off of apple juice and doritos, Dave.”

“Maybe you can’t.”

“Conditional immortality does not mean you can eat fucking garbage, Strider. You need to eat something with nutritional value.” 

“Hey, AJ is hella healthy, and it’s delicious, and it goes great with everything. I draw the line at eliminating that delicious pressed fruit goodness from my diet.”

“Ugh, FINE, at least quit it with the fucking Doritos.”

“Never. You will pry these delicious msg bites from my cold dead hands.”

“You know that can be arranged, right?”

“Karkat, if you were gonna kill me, it would have happened already, and it would have been over something much less severe than my Dorito addiction.”

“...”

“Yes?”

“Dave, we’re in public.”

“What, a man can’t kiss his alien boyfriend in public?”

“Not when we’re here to get groceries!”

“We can multitask.” 

“Or we can figure out what we want for dinner, get the groceries and do this at home!”

“Nah, it’s all good, we’re set.”

“On what plane of existence do we have enough groceries for a fucking meal?”

“We have Doritos.”

“Doritos barely count as food! Never mind a meal!”

“Hey, I lived off Doritos when I was a kid.”

“That’s probably why you’re so fucking fragile and basically made of sticks.”

“I thought you liked it that I bruise easily, Karkles.” 

“Oh shut the fuck up, you insufferable bulgebite.”

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure you still have to figure out what to make for dinner.”

“Ugh, okay, FINE. Here.”

“This is a box of macaroni and cheese.”

“That and some vegetables and maybe some cluckbeast and we have a meal. Does that work for you, Strider?”

“...”

“What?”

“... Can we have Doritos too?” 

“GOGFUCKING DAMNIT DAVE.”


End file.
